


Food Fight

by MystifyingFog



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Human Castiel, M/M, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 04:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2567687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MystifyingFog/pseuds/MystifyingFog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An evil witch is hiding out in a Supernatural convention, turning people into food.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food Fight

**Author's Note:**

> this is what i'm doing instead of writing my nanowrimo project

Dean, Sam, and Castiel approached the large convention hall, dreading what was inside. Actually, they knew what was inside: a huge convention for the Supernatural books. All three of them hated to be there, but there was supposedly a real witch in the building. The previous day, the witch turned ten people into strange foods, according to eyewitness accounts. Sam, Dean, and Cas were the closest hunters to the convention, so they begrudgingly went to take care of the problem.

As soon as they entered the building, they saw hundreds of people dressed up as the three of them alone; there were many dressed as other people, as well. When the hell did the books get so popular?

A Sam cosplayer approached Dean. "Dean!" he cried, obviously in character. Which was kind of creepy when you actually knew the guy he was pretending to be.

Not to mention, the cosplayer mispronounced Dean's name. "Dehn," he corrected. The unnamed convention attendee looked at Dean strangely, then turned around and walked away quickly.

"What the hell is his problem?" Dean asked the real Sam. Sam just shrugged. "He can't even pronounce my damn name, how is _he_ a fan?"

"Well, your name does appear to be pronounced—" Cas began, but he cut himself off when Dean sent him an intense glare. Cas returned his glare as another fan walked up.

"Oh, cool, you're doing the whole Dee-stee-el thing?" the fan asked.

Dean and Cas looked at the fan, who was dressed up as Cas.

"What do you mean by Dee-stee-el?" Dean said.

The fan looked at him strangely. "You know, Dean and Castiel. The pairing." When neither of them seemed to understand, the fan just rolled his eyes and walked away, muttering something about not being true fans.

Once the fan was out of sight, Dean turned to Sam and Cas again. "Why can't anyone around here pronounce my name right?"

Sam laughed. "Well, at least yours makes sense. Did you even hear how that dude pronounced Cas' name? Ca-stee-el. Sounds like a girl's name."

Cas cocked his head to one side at Sam's remark. "Why should that matter? I rather like the name Ca-stee-el."

"Yeah, but it's not _your_ name," Dean replied. "Whatever. Let's go find the witch and get the hell out of here. This place gives me the creeps."

Dean began to walk off, Sam and Cas not far behind. They asked several people if they'd seen anyone that matched the description of the witch they were looking for. It took them nearly an hour to finally get a lead; a woman dressed up as a female version of Sam told them that she had seen the witch go into a supply closet a while ago.

Dean figured that if the witch wasn't there now, then she probably had stored something there, and would eventually return.

Sam carefully opened the door to the closet, and the three of them walked inside, holding their guns up. The witch didn't appear to be anywhere in sight.

"I guess we wait here, then," Sam suggested.

"Yeah," Dean agreed. "If nothing else, at least we can get away from all those fake fans out there saying our names wrong."

"I still can't believe they called Cas Ca-stee-el," Sam chimed in.

"I think I prefer that name over my own," Cas said.

Dean walked over to stand by Cas. "No, I like Ca-steel." Cas smiled, and looked at Dean with his Bright Blue Eyes™.

At that moment, Sam saw something move in the corner of his eye. "Guys, stop having eye sex for a second. I think I saw something."

The witch moved again, this time into the light. Sam and Dean raised their guns.

But before they could do anything, the witch waved her hands, and Sam and Dean disappeared.

Or, rather, the witch turned them into food. Sam was now an ear of corn, and Dean was now a pumpkin. Only Cas remained human.

"Ah, Ca-steel. The angel. Except, you aren't anymore, you've fallen!" the witch teased. "And it appears you've fallen in more way than one."

"What do you mean?" Cas said.

"I mean that it's incredibly obvious that you've fallen for Dean — or, rather, the pumpkin. I suppose you don't really have a chance with him now, do you?"

Cas glared at the witch. "Change them back."

The witch laughed. "And why would I want to do that?"

Cas pulled his angel blade out of his coat pocket, and held it up.

"Kill me, then," the witch said.

"I won't kill you, but I will make you wish you were dead," Cas threatened. When he was met with no response, he continued. "Change them back."

"Seriously? They're food! We're fighting over _food_!" the witch said. "I suppose you could call this a _food fight_ , then."

" _Change them back_ ," Cas repeated.

"Fine! Sheesh, it was just a little fun. I'll find someone else to curse. Someone less violent." The witch waved her hands, and Sam and Dean were suddenly human again.

Cas rushed forward, and stabbed his blade through the witch's heart. "You didn't think you would get away with this, did you?" he said through gritted teeth.

As the witch fell over, dead, Cas turned around to help Sam and Dean up. The three of them stood in the supply closet awkwardly.

Sam broke the silence. "Cas, was what she said true?"

"What? You could hear that?" Cas appeard to be worried.

"Yeah, well, I was an _ear of corn_ after all," Sam said. "But was it true?"

Cas nodded. Sam smiled.

"What? What am I missing?" Dean asked. Sam just patted Cas' shoulder, and left the room to give them some privacy.

Cas turned to Dean. "Dehn, I — I'm in love with you."

Dean's eyes widened. "What?"

"You don't have to say anything, just forget about this," Cas said, turning around to walk out the door.

"Cas — Cas, wait." Cas turned around at Dean's words. "I, uh, I love you too, Ca-steel."

Cas smiled and walked over to kiss Dean.

Sam awkwardly waited outside, hoping that things were going well in the room in front of him. He had to wait for Dean and Cas in order to leave. He waited for a few minutes before Dean finally opened the door in front of him. He was smiling.

"Well, Sammy, I guess I'm coming out of the closet now," Dean said as he walked out of the closet with Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was half inspired by something i [tweeted](https://twitter.com/gadreels/status/529772511399919616) and half inspired by a prompt i came up with while on laughing gas ("dean turns into a pumpkin")
> 
> i also made additional references to things i tweet about and an old fanfic of mine from 2012 (which i deleted sorry)
> 
> there's really no point to this i am so sorry please don't take me seriously right now


End file.
